Forget About New Year Resolutions!

There is nothing less life changing than a New Year Resolution. What may seem like an ideal time for change is an exceptionally bad choice. Most of us break our resolutions a few days, if not a few hours into the New Year. The problem is not only in our timing but in the resolutions themselves. We think we know what we want but…

Among the most common resolutions, getting fit or loosing weight is near the top of the list. Just under that is quitting some vice like smoking or drinking. And bringing up the rear is getting out of debt. What worse time of year could a person choose to attempt any of these goals? One party comes after another. Cookies, cakes and candy are everywhere. Drinking and smoking seem to go so well together, many of us cannot do one without the other. And, on average, holiday shopping adds between $900 and $1,500 worth of credit card debt to our financial woes.

It is no wonder that most resolutions are kaput as soon as the ball falls in Time Square. No sooner do we finish with that New Year kiss, we begin rationalizing a better time to start our resolutions. Tomorrow, that’s it, I’ll start tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes or if it does, it brings new excuses with it. Resolutions tend to be more life damaging than life changing. Many of us begin our new year with more failure and guilt than we do with purpose and good intention. So stop the madness.

Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” In other words, we want to be happy. When we choose our resolutions, we do so because we think that achieving those goals, whatever they may be, will bring happiness with them. It is the happiness we want.

Do not bother with resolutions until you know what you are doing. No one thing or condition can make us happy or unhappy. You have heard the adage that money won’t buy happiness. The opposite is equally true. The lack of money won’t buy unhappiness. Evidence of this fundamental truth is all around us. Embrace it.

So, before we start listing the things we want to change about our lives, we should spend a little time thinking about happiness--not about what we think will make us happy but about when we are aware of being happy.

If, as Aristotle asserted, we are truly looking for happiness, we should look for it where it already exists, not where we think it should be. Happiness is not trying to elude us as if we were playing a cosmic game of hide and seek. It is right there. Ask yourself these questions: When do I feel the greatest joy, satisfaction or the sense of accomplishment? When am I filled with warmth, love and kindness? When am I most confident and proud of myself? The answers to these questions will tell you more about yourself and your true happiness than success at any New Year Resolution.

I am not suggesting we content ourselves with our lot in life. We all have aspects of our lives which could use a little work but far too often, we work on the wrong things. We are driven by advertisers who suggest we will be happier if we were thinner, better looking, younger, sexier, more successful or more powerful. Why do we persist in believing that such things will make us happy when there is so much evidence to the contrary?

Perhaps this is why so many people are obsessed with Hollywood gossip. We somehow feel a perverted sense of satisfaction when people, whom we think of as having everything, fail to be happy. For heaven’s sake, look at Oprah--a wonderful person, loving, interested in the well-being of others, extremely successful, the epitome of Hollywood power. Let her gain a few pounds and we pounce on her like a pride of hungry lions. We thirst after the reason why that woman is not living in absolute bliss!

When we recognize our real happiness, we more clearly see the things in life that we have allowed to act as barriers to our prolonged and pervasive contentment. We may, for example, realize that we are happy when dancing and we might think that losing a bit of weight will help us spend more time on the dance floor. More often is the case that more time on the dance floor results in our losing weight! You see, the real barrier is not the weight but the reasons we give ourselves for not dancing.

Eliminating the barriers to happiness will not make us happy. Like New Year Resolutions, that is a loser’s game. When we focus our attention on the things that get in the way of our happiness, we spend too much time thinking about being unhappy. Life is too short to waste time on such things.

We can all find happiness in our lives, even if that happiness has been obscured to the point of being a mere glimmer. We often allow so many of our obligations and difficulties to get in our way that we almost entirely divorce ourselves from happiness. If you are going to make any resolution at all, let it be for you to find that glimmer of happiness in your life and give yourself the freedom to nurture it and let it grow.

Joseph Onesta is a speaker, trainer and consultant. His company, Integrity HPI: Human Performance Improvement partners with organizations to develop and "employer of choice" work environment.

A Little Quiet Time to Feed Your Soul

(I found this picture on the Internet of someone else having quiet time. I couldn't find a link to ask permission so, if the photo is your's and you don't want it here, contact me and I'll be happy to remove it.)

Sometimes life just seems to fly by as if the world were picking up speed and about to spin off its axis. Days, weeks, even months and years seem to disappear and we wonder how time passed so quickly with so little memory to show for it.

For years now we have been hearing self-help gurus and spiritual teachers tell us that we need to get present, experience the moment as it happens and break the cycle of dragging our past into our speculation of the future without taking much notice of the present moment. Though repackaged from time to time, the message is a very old one dating back at least to biblical times—even Jesus of Nazareth recommended it. It always gets our attention. It always seems revolutionary. It always promises to change our lives, yet, so few of us ever really get it.

When I was in college, I was involved in a campus group of Christians who taught me a very useful and very powerful technique for experiencing the present moment. It is called Quiet Time. While my own practice of Quiet Time has a Christian focus, the technique can be suitably applied to any faith and will even work in the absence of one.

Quiet Time is, in its simplest form, just that—a time to be quiet. The practice is done every day and can also be used whenever life seems to be getting loud and noisy with commitments, obligations, requirements, stresses, worries or what-have-you. Consider the recommended 15 to 30 minutes dedicated to Quiet Time, a top priority in your day.

During Quiet Time you clear your mind of everything that demands your immediate attention. Morning may well be the best time for many of us because the day and its worries have not yet taken hold. During Quiet Time, do not allow the impending day to encroach on your moment. Be focused on not letting your mind race with tasks or project of the day.

You do not have to be still during Quiet Time. You can walk your dog, jog or sip coffee on the deck. Just keep your mind free of reliving past events or rehearsing future ones. When those thoughts arise, just push them back as if to say, “It is not time for you yet.”

Eckhart Toll in his work, “The Power of Now” shared an amazing technique that will help you recognize what clearing your mind actually feels like. Stop, ask yourself the question, “What will my next thought be?” The flash of a second between finishing the question and knowing the answer is what a clear mind experiencing the present moment feels like.

Maintaining a clear state of mind for much longer than a split second is nearly impossible for most of us. If your mind cannot be clear, it is better to fill it with something that takes you out of the complications of daily life.

Music is alright if you are in control of it. Do not use a radio or television because of the talk and interruptions. Such things will only distract you. Some people read sacred or devotional texts during this time. (Christians often read the Bible.) Others might pray or do some meditative activity such as yoga or even doing the dishes which takes no real thought or concentration.

When you are as clear as you are going to get at the moment, look at your life from an objective point of view. This might mean trying to see yourself as a character in a book or play. Imagine you are watching yourself. When you do this, you are able to rise above the clouds in your life. You get a very different perspective from practicing this technique. You see the context of your life. Best of all, if you can actually just imagine watching yourself doing whatever you are doing at the moment, you will be utterly present in that moment.

Now try to reconnect with the things that give your life meaning and purpose. These are the things that fill you with contentment when you think about them.

I have a mission statement for my life and while it has changed and developed over the years, reconnecting with that mission and considering my experiences in terms of it has helped me focus my efforts, understand my life and adjust my reactions and behaviors. What is it that gives you a sense of purpose?

As you end your time, decide on an affirmative action you can take that day to reaffirm your mission or purpose and accomplish it that day.

Quiet Time is like an anchor for your soul in the sea of your life. Daily practice will keep life and its confusion in perspective and will keep stress at bay. You will stay on track and your days will no longer sink in a bog of events and obligations. You will begin to experience your life as it happens rather than attempting to relive it through memories.

Joseph Onesta is a Speaker, Trainer and Consultant. His company, IntegrityHPI ~ Human Performance Improvement, is dedicated to making our experience of work better for both companies and individuals. To learn more about his work or to invite him to speak at your event, please visit, www.integrityhpi.com

Get Off the Work-Life Balance Seesaw

Originally written for corporate execs, this entry is still quite good for our purposes. It is followed by some tips you can use to make your own work environment a happier, healthier place to be.

The term work-life balance implies that work and life are on opposite sides of a seesaw or scale and one must be weighed against the other. But employees cannot shed one and take up the other on respective sides of the time clock. We bring our lives to work and we take work home.

Many of our corporate leaders are of the Baby-Boomer generation. They have sacrificed nearly every aspect of their personal lives for the sake of their careers. For them, work-life balance naturally means more emphasis on the life side of the seesaw and our efforts to date have focused on facilitating the life side of the see saw.

There has been a lot of work done on the multi-generational work place. All of it points to the fact that the seesaw illustration of Work-Life Balance does not have the impact that employers hope because while it makes sense to the decision making baby-boomers, it may apply to the rest. At best, many work-life balance initiatives are temporary quick fixes of situations that present themselves in such a way that the costs associated with ignoring them are prohibitive.

Once we accepted the need to accommodate very complicated life situations, we made great inroads. Programs like flexible schedules, job sharing and telecommuting have proven themselves with positive ROI. These are now the givens, not the innovations.

Balanced life initiatives should be made for the purpose of making our companies employers of choice, attracting and engaging top talent for the long term. Achieving such a goal requires more than quick fixes, it demands a shift in the way we construct our work cultures. We must address the needs and perceptions of everyone in the organization. We need to make the workplace fulfilling enough to encourage Baby-Boomers to postpone retirement long enough to pass on what they know. We need to assuage inherent distrust and resulting lack of commitment of Generation X since they are next in line for the helm. We also need to create work environments that nurture the Millennial Generation so that they stay with us long enough to become effective day-after-tomorrow leaders

Savvy leaders are no longer looking at ways of getting people out of the office but we are looking at ways of making the office the place everyone wants to be. Work-life balance is now about balanced lives and the role organizations play in the lives of their associates. Companies are now realizing that in order to better insure their longevity and success, the human organizations that comprise them must become inclusive communities of engagement and commitment. And that means reworking our understanding of our corporate cultures.

So the essential myth about work-life balance that we must dispel is the perception that work and life are two opposing forces on a seesaw. There is no seesaw. There is no distinction between work and life. One does not counterbalance the other. The time clock is not a magic portal between two realities. Both sides are one reality for the person punching the clock. If we expect our companies to survive and thrive, we need to acknowledge and develop the kind of corporate culture that attracts and retains talented and skilled people, who form a cohesive and committed community with a common purpose, a community of engagement.

1. Be nice: The fact is that nice people are better liked and better liked people have it easier than those who make it difficult to like them.

2. Be positive: Negativity attracts negativity. Start complaining and you'll find plenty of company. Fortunately, the same holds true to being positive.

3. Avoid the gossip. Don't spread rumors. Don't join in on complaining about coworkers or your boss or working conditions or even the selection in the vending machines. Gossip breads discontent in the environment and in you as well.

4. Avoid gossipers. They might have a juicy tidbit to share with you but what are they saying about you to others?

5. Offer to help. If something isn't getting done properly or on time, offering to help accomplishes two things. The first is that it makes others aware that you are waiting in a way that is not offensive. The second is that you just might get what you need a little sooner. If needing to help becomes a constant, discuss it with your supervisor under the guise of your coworker being overworked.

6. Do what you can to make it easier for those whose work follows yours in the process chain. If you can save someone time or effort by alphabetizing something or resorting the data for their use or making a small extra effort to make the next step just a little easier, (even if you don't really like the person who benefits) the whole work environment can improve.

7. Please and Thank You are magic words. Use them often and mean them when you do.

Joseph Onesta is a speaker and consultant. His company, Integrity HPI, works with organizations making the work experience better for people and companies.

Paper Cuts, Hangnails & Cracker Crumbs in Bed

You've heard the old adage, "A stitch in time saves nine." The traditional interpretation is that if you do something right the first time, you will not have to do it again. It can also mean if something needs doing, the longer you wait to do it, the harder it becomes to do.

It may surprise you to know that when it comes to balancing our lives, little things can make a big difference. We are talking about really tiny things that are easy to do but get set aside for later--things like making the bed, doing the dishes, picking up the dry-cleaning or washing the car.

They nag at us like a paper cut, hangnail or cracker crumbs in bed; persistent until they simply cannot be ignored. No matter how logically inconsequential these little things may be, they are emotionally significant. They drain us when we think about them. We argue over them. Try to and get the kids to do them. And sometimes pay exorbitant prices to have someone else do them.

Sure, in some cases, we are talking about pure laziness. We can recriminate ourselves and make ourselves even more unhappy or we can face up to the fact that in balancing our lives, we have to juggle a lot of things and once in a while, some things just do not get done. The fact that the same things end up at the bottom of the list often enough to become recognizable indicates that we actually do something about them.

Identify them. Everyone can identify what those little things are. When I ask, they usually mention one or two. What are yours? Once you identify them and label them as something you would like to see change in your life, their priority on the to-do list changes. No longer are we just looking that thing that needs to be done but we are looking to do something about that thing. We are altering a condition, not doing a chore. Because the task is different, the priority is different.

In my life, one of the small irritating things that seemed to get out of hand was the dishes. If I am not careful, they still have the potential to pile up. No matter how much I complained, stomped my feet or pleaded for family cooperation, dirty glasses, cups, dishes and cutlery ended up in the sink. Sometimes I would be so busy that they would pile up for days and there would not be a clean cup or glass in the house.

Accept responsibility. Whatever it is, you are the one that is bothered by it, so the problem is yours. It is no good blaming other people. Byron Katie said, "Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience.” Never has there been a truer statement. We realize that we may not be able to do much about the situation but we are completely capable of controlling the way we experience it as long as we accept responsibility for that experience.

No one else in my family seems upset by the dirty dishes. Not, at least, until they are hunting for a clean glass. In our home, the household chores are pretty fairly divvied up. The dishes are in my patch, so short of restructuring the whole household; the solution has to be mine.

Find compromise in resolution. The reason these conditions are so frustrating is because they are not the way you want them to be. They may never be exactly the way you want them to be. Maybe the ideal is not possible and finding a livable compromise is the key to balance. If it cannot be perfect, it can be acceptable. What does acceptable look like?

In the ideal world, everyone in my family would wash, dry and put away every dish, glass or bit of cutlery they ever used. Short of perfection, what can I live with? I have to accept the fact that there will probably never be a day without dirty dishes in the sink.

Establish a new habit. Good habits are wonderful things. Habits have a magical way of becoming almost effortless. It takes a little discipline and, according to experts, three weeks to establish a new habit. Design a habit that will remedy the situation to the level of acceptability and just do it.

When I determined to do something about my frustration over the dishes, I decided that I would not go to bed with dishes in the sink. Waking up to that mess would just set my whole day off kilter. At the end of the day, I may be tired but rarely am I too tired to fill and run the dishwasher and wipe down the sink and countertops. Throughout the day, I move things to the dishwasher if I see them and have time. Tolerating dishes in the sink until the end of the day was my compromise. Since I am the first up, while the coffee is brewing, I unload the dishwasher and prepare for the day. My frustration over dirty dishes is virtually gone.

A sink of dirty dishes may seem like a small or even silly thing to be upset about. By identifying, compromising and making the effort to change ourselves in small ways, we can eliminate the little things that pile up and become obstacles to a balanced life. Those little things that really seem to get under our skin are life’s opportunity to learn how to manage when we are confronted by much bigger obstacles.

Joseph Onesta is a speaker, trainer and consultant with Integrity HPI.

Happier Holidays: What You Can Do to Have a Happier Holiday Season

The first Christmas I spent away from my family, I felt absolutely lost. I was living in Los Angeles. Everyone I knew was going somewhere else and I was staying home…alone. I had not bothered with decorations and I certainly did not intend to cook a holiday dinner for one.

I considered spending Christmas day at the movies like many Los Angelinos, but opted for a long walk to indulge in a little self pity. It was a beautiful, sunny warm day. Along my walk, I found a man trimming a hedge in his yard. The cuttings sort of looked like pine boughs and when I asked for a few of them, he looked at me like I had escaped without taking my meds. He let me have all I wanted.

On the way home, I spotted a neighbor’s poinsettia. They grow to the size of trees in Los Angeles. Hers needed a trim in my opinion so I stole a few of the red clusters. At home, I arranged these items on the table, added a few candles and sang carols while the microwave hummed along, heating my frozen dinner. I spent the rest of the day watching TV.

No matter what holiday we celebrate, we know what those days of celebration are supposed to be like. Our homes are to be warm, cozy and decorated. The meals should be both generous and delicious and the conversation around the table is to be pleasant and filled with best wishes and good intentions. The gifts are perfectly chosen, beautifully wrapped and always wonderfully appreciated.

Many of us work very hard to live up to that media-driven, Martha Stewart image of the holidays. I doubt that any of us has ever experienced one, at least not since we were children and did not have to do any of the work. All of that shopping, decorating, card writing, food preparation and gift wrapping can be a real drain. By the time the actual day arrives, many of us feel like an inflatable front-yard Santa during a power outage.

What we really want when we think of a Martha Stewart Christmas is the feeling we associate with those images and most of the people I know never really come close, no matter how hard they try. Every year they work harder and harder, more decorations, more gifts, bigger lists, more cards, fancier tables and more abundant meals. Still something is always missing and invariably, something does not go according to plan.

Someone doesn’t show up. A plate breaks. The biscuits burn. One of the kids gets a nose bleed all over the tablecloth. Someone gets too drunk. Half the table cranes their necks to watch television during dinner. The kids fight over toys. Somebody spills the gravy. Aunt Millie lets you know the turkey is a little dry and proceeds to tell you in great detail, how she prepares it. And while comforting yourself with a sugar fix by sneaking a cookie, you sprinkle powdered sugar down the front of your red sweater.

This is reality. Peace on earth is a nice sentiment but, during the holidays, I settle for piece of pie. Ever since that lonely day many years ago in LA, I have known that the feelings that we associate with a Martha Stewart Christmas cannot be found in the perfect tree, a flawless table setting or a delicious meal. If the love, peace and joy aren’t inside us, all of our time, effort and money will not magically produce them on Christmas Day.

So, while you are doing all of the things you need to do in preparation for the holidays, please remember to stop every now and again to think of the people for whom you are doing them. Think of why they are in your life and why you hope that they have a wonderful holiday. If that is not your hope for them, you would be better off spending your holiday at the movies.

With the exception of little children, the only person’s holiday for which you are entirely responsible is your own. You can not force others to be happy, satisfied or grateful.

Don’t kill yourself striving for something that may not exist even at Martha Stewart’s house. So smile. Enjoy the chaos. Laugh out loud when something goes wrong. Savor every moment you have with those you love, no matter how flawed they may be. Take a picture of Aunt Millie scowling at your turkey and use it for next years Christmas card. And for heaven’s sake, you do not have to sneak the cookie, just eat it with gusto. It’s Christmas.

Tips for a Better Holiday Experience

You can’t force people to be happy, satisfied or even grateful. So don’t try to make them happy. If they insist on being miserable, let them.
For kids, the whole package counts. Bring them in on everything. Even fairly young kids can help wrap gifts, clean and decorate the house and their rooms, bake cookies, write and mail cards. Who cares if they ruin a surprise for someone because they couldn’t wait to tell?

Make a budget. Figure out how much you have to spend and don’t go over budget. Track your expenses along the way and if you have to cut corners, cut them.

Shop with a list. The holiday season is fueled by impulse buying. Making a list will help you stay financially on track. Your Gift list should include the people you wish to buy gifts for and how much you wish to spend on each of them.

Avoid using your credit cards. It is well documented that consumers spend more when they pay with plastic than they do with cash. Many people are still trying to pay off last year’s holiday credit card bills. Don’t be a dope. Your holiday festivities should not be overshadowed by a cloud of looming debt.

Obligatory gifts should be token gifts. Do not spend a lot of time or money on gifts for your children’s teachers, the mail carrier or your office mates. It is perfectly acceptable to buy them all the same thing or nothing at all. If your budget is tight, get creative. Bake cookies. Fill-dollar store mugs with candy or samples of gourmet coffee or tea. Your gift should not make them feel the need to reciprocate.

Shop for food once. Think about the meals you plan to prepare, make a list and check it twice. Think of how you might creatively use leftovers for subsequent events or meals.

Avoid gift cards, especially if you are on a budget. Gift cards may be an easy choice but they often lead people to spend more because the amount spent on the gift is obvious.

Before buying decorations, get creative with last years stuff. Wait for the after holiday sales to buy new stuff for next year. If you are buying new stuff this year, make sure you set strict spending limits. Consider getting creative. Get the kids to make some decorations. They can string popcorn. Make construction paper chains.

Do a toy clean out. Think of all of the toys your children no longer play with. Clean them off, pack them up and take them to a thrift store. Ask the kids to choose several toys they would like to give to other children. They can’t choose broken toys or toys with missing pieces. (Throw those away!) You’ll have a lot less clutter to deal with in the next few months and your children will learn the value of giving.

Go ahead and eat! Get real! You are going to gain a little weight. Why spend the holidays feeling guilty for eating the cookies, candy and treats? Dieting makes you hungry. You may well eat less by telling yourself that you can have it if you want it.

Joseph Onesta is a speaker, trainer and consultant dedicated to making work better for people and for companies. To learn more about his services or to invite him to speak at your organization, visit his company website at www.integrityhpi.com.

You Could Use a Nap!

During my first semester in college I met a fine-arts major named Beth who believed sleep was a waste of time. She slept in 20 minute chunks diligently working on art projects in between several naps a day. She was perpetually fatigued, lethargic and lived in a dream-like fog that many of her friends took for being “cool.”

Beth was an extreme case but her story typifies a common American mistake: When it comes to sleep, we have better things to do. Consequently, many of us are sleep deprived and sleep disorders are increasingly common.

Advertising media bombard us with commercials for both prescription and over the counter sleep aids. We see as many commercials and advertisements for mattresses promising better rest. How many of us haven’t walked into a store at the mall to find out what our sleep number is and who can resist finding out what the Tempur-Pedic mattress feels like?

Convenience store shelves are stocked with vitamin packs and energy drinks. Coffee is now an American obsession, commonly consumed even among teenagers. ($18 Billion worth of coffee a year is consumed in the US.)

Just twenty years ago, it would have been difficult to find someone who had undergone a sleep test. Back then, anyone who had undergone a sleep test probably had to travel quite a distance, perhaps even by air, to be tested at a sleep center. Now, a simple count of the directory on sleepcenters.org reveals that there are at least 945 sleep test centers across the country. According to Sleep Centers of America, more than 70 million Americans have a sleep disorder and more than 10 million people a year consult their physicians regarding sleep-related issues.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, drowsy driving in America kills more than 1,500 people a year and causes 71,000 injuries in an estimated 100,000 sleep-related crashes a year.

If you ask me, America could use a nap.

Winston Churchill put it eloquently when he wrote, “Nature had not intended mankind to work from 8 in the morning until midnight without the refreshment of blessed oblivion which, even if it lasts only 20 minutes, is sufficient to renew all vital forces.”

Research has validated his observation demonstrating that even a brief nap of between 20 to 45 minutes, will rejuvenate you, and increase your ability to concentrate making you more productive.

Until a few years ago, I pushed myself as hard as any other baby-boomer in the work force. I got up early, went into the office, worked late, came home and had trouble sleeping because I was so wound up. One day, I arrived an hour early for a meeting and I waited in my car.

The next time I glanced at the clock, it was 20 minutes later, a snore and awakened me. Apart from the slight, self-conscious embarrassment of the snore, I felt terrific and my meeting went really well. I had recently scoffed at an article on power naps and companies putting power-nap facilities in their offices. Who in their right mind was going to pay someone to take a nap?

I was so impressed with by my own experience; I tried it again on purpose. The difference in my day was amazing. I began planning my appointments so that I could find just half an hour a day for a nap. I purchased a sleep mask and a small travel pillow and kept them in the car. Since then, napping has become part of my regular routine. While others are socializing in the lunchroom, you can find me reclined in my car taking the 20 minute nap Winston Churchill recommended.

There are lots of people who do this. They do not talk about it. It is a secret. On some level, I think it embarrasses them. After all, napping is for kids, isn’t it? I admit, I nap in my car because I doubt I could stand the ribbing I would get if someone were to hear snoring behind my office door. I’ve met quite a number of people who say that they could never nap for just twenty minutes because they would be out for hours. Well, that just makes a stronger argument for the fact they, like many of us, are probably sleep deprived.

Sleep researchers have discovered that sleep deprivation makes it difficult for us to learn and concentrate. Sleep deprived people are less productive, more forgetful and more prone to both error and accidents. It also causes weight gain, impairs our immune system, reduces our ability to handle stress and can make us cranky.

Any one of these side-effects can set our work-life balance off kilter. By not getting enough sleep; we increase our exposure to all of them. Getting enough sleep is one of the most effective steps we can take to improving the quality of our lives. Here are ten simple things you can do to improve your sleep:

1.Save time to unwind. Give yourself more than an hour of mindless activity at the end of the day so that you do not spend half the night reliving the events of the day or rehearsing what might happen the next day. Read something frivolous. Watch TV, pray or meditate.
2.Avoid eating late. In sleep, you body wants to heal and rejuvenate. If it is spending half the night digesting food, you are not reaping the full benefit of your sleep. Don’t eat less than two or three hours before going to sleep.
3.Avoid drinking a lot of fluids right before bedtime. If night visits to the restroom are a frequent problem, consult a physician.
4.Avoid caffeine after 2 pm. I know this may go against everything you hold dear and Starbucks stockholders may scoff, but the effects of caffeine can last a long time. If you need a picker-upper in the afternoon, rather than reaching for a cup of coffee or an energy drink, consider the humble nap or some physical exercise to get your energy flowing.
5.Consider non-chemical sleep aids. Buy a sleep mask and/or ear-plugs if you are a light sleeper. Pull the drapes closed. Cover LED lights. And if you live on a busy street or in a noisy building, white background noise may help--a recording of waves or rain or even the hum of a fan. (My dishwasher, which I can hear from my bedroom, puts me right under.)
6.Invest in a good mattress. You spend a third of your life in bed, you should have a high-quality mattress that meets your needs.
7.Regulate your internal clock. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day whether you are working or not. You will know you are successful when you wake up right before your alarm feeling refreshed and ready for the day.
8.Limit your alcohol consumption. While alcohol can relax you, it also has a dehydrating effect and reduces the quality of your sleep.
9.Consider power napping in the middle of the day but more than 8 hours before you go to bed. Napping later may make it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep.
10.Get more physical exercise during the day. If our work is not physically taxing, chances are, we aren’t working our bodies as hard as we work our minds. A little exercise can set things right.

Joseph Onesta is a speaker, trainer and consultant at Integrity HPI—Human Performance Improvement. He works with companies bridging the gap between the vision of top management and the rank and file work experience developing an “employer of choice” work environment. To learn more about Joseph Onesta and his work at Integrity HPI, please visit their website at: http:www.integrityhpi.com.

The Office Holiday Party, An Event to Remember or One You'd Rather Forget

The bosses say they want you to have fun but stay on the safe side. You are still at work. Remembering some simple etiquette guidelines will help make this year's office party an event to remember and not one you would rather forget.

Don't get drunk! The office party may be free flowing with holiday "spirits" but the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior is far less blurry if you keep your wits about you. A drink or two probably won't hurt, you know your limit, but the office party is not a night out with good friends. Office relationships have been permanently damaged and people have even lost their jobs for things they have said or done at the office party.

Dress appropriately; you are still at work. It is nice to get dressed up but save the really sexy attire for truly social events. You do not want to be the object of unwelcome attention during the party and you don't want to be the subject of all the gossip after.

If you are a manager, you have to go. It is a mistake to think you can opt out of this event. If you have supervisory responsibilities, you are a host to the people you supervise. If you do not attend the party, you will send a message that communicates your lack of commitment your team and the company. While at the party, make sure you greet each of your reports and thank them for the job they have done and try an be specific about a particular incident in which they performed exceptionally well.

Gifts are not appropriate. No one wants to be saddled with having to carry or watch over a gift while they are supposed to be having a good time. Management may announce awards or special recognitions but the gifts, if they are anything more cumbersome than a gift card, should be handled at the office. If you want to give your supervisor a gift for the holidays, you should do so at the office, unobtrusively and in such a way that the receiver does not feel obligated to reciprocate.

Avoid cliquish behavior. It is natural to want to be with the people you feel most comfortable and you should sit with your teammates for the meal if one is served. This will help your team to function more cohesively and allows you to see one another in a different context. However, spending the entire event with them deprives you of a very unique opportunity. Others who may want to speak with you might find it difficult to approach you because they are not part of your group. You want to make yourself as approachable as possible. Politely excuse yourself from the group, mention that you would like to wish the CEO a happy holiday and go off and mingle.

Mingle. Mingle. Mingle. The office party is an opportunity to meet people in the organization with whom you do not normally get to interact. Advancement in the business world is a function of others thinking as highly of you as a person as they might of your skills. Take the opportunity to meet others and let them meet you. If you have to inject yourself into a group that appears cliquish, do so under the pretext of wishing them all happy holidays. Introduce yourself, tell them where you work in the organization and shake hands with everyone in the group. Try and remember their names and greet them with full eye contact and a smile in the hallways the next time you see them at the office. You will build allies throughout the organization who can make your job easier today and help get you promoted tomorrow.

Don't forget the CEO. Extend your mingling to those high level managers and senior managers with whom you may not normally interact. You do not have to carry on long conversations. Just introduce yourself. Offer a good firm, not crushing, handshake. Remind them where you work in the organization and if you have received a company bonus or gift, thank them for it. Wish them a good holiday and be on your way. Acknowledge them at the office as you would anyone else. In order for you to become one of them, they have to feel comfortable with you in that position.

The two most critical elements in getting better assignments and more challenging or interesting projects are having a higher level "sponsor"--that is someone who remembers you and thinks of you as they are discussing assignments and being a respected and well-liked person. The company party is a great time to make a positive impression.

If you are invited to be someone's guest at his or her office party, dress well, be friendly and avoid the booze. You are not there to have a good time. Your goal is to look good, be polite and stand quietly next to your date and let him or her make a good impression.

Keep these simple guidelines in mind and when after-party gossip is bantered around the break room, they won't be talking about you. The next buzz just may be about your promotion.

Joseph Onesta, M.A. is a speaker, trainer and consultant working in the field of Human Performance Improvement. His company, Integrity HPI helps companies develop an "employer of choice" work culture and environment, by improving performance through focused strategies, enriched work/life balance and enhanced communication. You are invited to visit http://www.integrityhpi.com to learn more about Integrity HPI's services and subscribe to their free e-newsletter, Balanced Life Tips.

A Corporate Katrina? Change is in the Air and Things May Never Be the Same Again

Unstable markets, wildly fluctuating prices for commodities and finished goods and increasing doubt about the future role of fossil fuels is causing some business leaders to wonder what the future of doing business looks like. Cancelled sales, postponed projects and hiring freezes are now common. For many companies, the current crisis feels like an economic version of hurricane Katrina, difficult to predict and even harder know how to prepare or react.

At a recent HR conference, I met an HR Director who said these words, “We have been doing the same thing for fifty odd years. It works for us.” I had mixed reactions. Part of me appreciated the confidence in her voice and the sense of stability it conveyed. The idea felt warm and safe. If something isn’t broken, why fix it, right?

At the same time, I knew that for any company to believe that doing nothing, either because of or in spite of our current economic instability, just isn’t wise. There are too many other factors involved and ignoring any one of them might prove to be a fateful, and possibly fatal, decision. We do not need to hunker down and ride out the storm; we need to take action.

Let us consider some of them.

In the past year, there have been numerous exposé articles about the highly paid senior management of underperforming organizations. Historically, we have been able to conceptually separate the individual performance of executives and the other factors which affect the performance of organizations. There is always more going on than a decision from the corner office.

The CEO is responsible to the board and the board members know what they are doing, don’t they? Ultimately who is responsible for the success of an organization? The board is elected by the stockholders. The buck gets passed once again and no one seems to really know just who is responsible.

We seem to be entering an era that applies different meanings to the words accountability and responsibility. Taxpayer, and therefore, voter anger and resentment over the government bailout of the failed banks typify this shift. Corporate America is confronting its definitions of leadership.

We are learning lessons that a few CEOs have known for a long time. The true success of an organization depends on how that organization functions as a vibrant entity, a living organism, inclusive of its work culture, its business processes, its ethics and its role in the lives of the people who work there.

Evolving technology changes the way we do business almost on a daily basis, yet we are often unprepared to adjust and respond to those changes. We no longer have the luxury of time to figure out how to use new technology to our best advantage. The decision making processes that have given us 20 years, for example, to fool around with variations of e-learning no longer apply.

The baby boomers are going to retire whether we like it or not. Businesses have received yet one more reprieve from the brain drain of boomer retirement since retirement accounts have once more suffered record losses. This time, however, boomers are not in a position to simply add another ten years to their careers like they did the last time around. They no longer know what retirement will look like and as a consequence, our leaders are less able to predict the composition of our workforce.

This crisis begs another nagging question. We have democratized the stock market with on-line trading and we have placed the responsibility for planning for our retired workforce in the hands of individual workers. Defined pension plans are all but non-existent. The future of Social Security always seems to be in doubt. And, now individual retirement accounts have been gutted by stock-market instability.

We have taken the planning responsibility away from corporations and placed it in the hands of individuals without providing adequate education. They have had to rely on questionable sources of public information, the “advice” of investment sales people and on 401K administrators who legally can provide only the vaguest direction. Combine uneducated decisions with a volatile market and we have people who are now looking at their government for help since their employers have washed their hands of them.

Where do we expect the government to get the funds it will need to help them when the traditional source of income, the lower to middle income tax base is tapped out? The corporate voices who wanted to eliminate the predictable expense of defined pension plans are now hearing what may well be their raucous corporate swan song. Whether or not we see direct taxation or simply the loss of tax breaks, we might predict that the job of the CFO may grow considerably more difficult. In hindsight, how viable was our decision to change our retirement planning strategies?

The issues revolving around the multigenerational and multicultural workplace are increasing in complexity. We attend seminars on understanding the different generations but what do we do with that information? Organizations are struggling with engagement, diversity, inclusion, recruitment and retention. They are faced with the pending retirement drain on experience and skills and their organizations will soon be in the hands of those less experienced and far less self-sacrificing.

Economic crisis only exacerbates these issues. Increasing unemployment makes people available but there is a gap between the people who are available and the people we think we want to hire. Every recruiter I know, both corporate and independent, reports being inundated with the resumes of people who are considered unqualified. What is wrong with this picture? Are there simply no qualified people or are we setting our hopes on finding a super hero?

Rather than fretting over the difficulty of finding the right person to fit the job, we may have to rethink the position. The problem is if you change one job description, you may have to change five more. Does your company enjoy the level of engagement and commitment that will adjust to these changes or will you need to hire two people to fill one position? Which of these alternatives is really the most expensive in the long run?

If we are honest, I have not pointed out anything that is completely new. We simply do not like thinking about these concepts. We would prefer, like that HR executive at the conference, to continue to do things the way we have always done them.

While we still have time, we are going to have to endure the discomfort of change yet again and focus on building and nurturing a work culture that not only embraces change but maintains the engagement, commitment and accountability necessary to sustain the organization no matter what the economic climate.

Forget About the Gym!

To look at me, you would never guess that I have been a member of a health club since 1989. That is because, with the exception of brief spurts of intense motivation, I almost never go. It is not so much that I dislike the activity but rather, getting there, changing my clothes, working out, showering, changing my clothes again and getting back into my routine take up way too much time out of my day. I simply cannot fit going to the gym into my schedule.

I am not alone. The best estimates that I can find on-line from a number of sources indicate that upwards of 70% of health club members never or rarely use their membership.

Most of us need to work. We would like to spend time with our spouses, family and friends. We may study. We may have a spiritual or community life. And then there is exercise. In the face of that sort of to-do list, what do we cut out?

Despite our better intentions, may of us cut out the exercise. We know that lack of sufficient exercise results in obesity, reduced cardio-vascular health, increased stress and even depression. We buy gym memberships we don’t use. Many of us own home exercise equipment that gathers dust. We swallow expensive supplements and subscribe to controlled food-delivery services. In the end, we make ourselves sick with guilt when none of it works and we are too ashamed of ourselves to take advantage of all those money-back guarantees.

In my quest for a balanced life, I have come to terms with the fact that exercising for sake of it is not a priority to me. I have done many of the subtle things commonly suggested to increase my activity. I park several extra blocks from my office. I choose parking spaces far from the store entrance. I take the stairs rather then the elevator. I sometimes spend my break time walking around the block. It is not enough!

Enter the humble toofer. A toofer is an activity that gives us double return on our investment of time and energy—the result of “two for” the investment of one. Toofers allow me to combine items on my to-do list and help me find some of that sought-for balance in life.

Take, for example, the task of getting the car washed. If you drive to the car wash, reaching for your wallet is about all the exercise you are going to get. But, if you wash the car by hand, you get a clean car as well as some exercise. That is a simple toofer. Add into the equation, all the money you save and you have double toofer. Wash the car by hand with the kids and the return goes through the roof! You get a clean car. You get exercise. You have some fun. You spend time with the kids. And you save a little money.

Toofers that help increase exercise are everywhere. All we need is a little imagination and some planning. Rather than going to the movies, consider taking a walking tour of a local neighborhood or a visit to the museum, art exhibit or zoo. You’ll get some exercise and learn something as well

Around the house, you might plant a vegetable garden, do some serious spring-cleaning, mow the lawn or paint a room. Volunteer for community clean-up day or build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Do any of these activities with family or friends and you exponentially increase the benefits.

I truly admire the folks at the gym with their chiseled athletic bodies. I wish I could go to the beach and not feel that I had somehow failed as a physical specimen. But I also know, beyond any doubt, that those people did not get those bodies from three twenty-minute workouts a week—no matter what the commercials say!

It takes real work and a lot of time to get a body like the ones we see in those commercials. I just do not have that kind of time. I would have to sacrifice another important facet of my life in order to spend that sort of time at the gym. So, I have forgotten all about the gym and the guilt for not going. As far as home exercise equipment goes, free weights make interesting stepping stones in the garden.

I’ll stick with the toofer. A little exercise is better than none. While I may not be an Adonis, my life is in better balance, I get exercise, have fun and get a few chores done in the bargain.

Joseph Onesta is a Speaker, Trainer and Consultant. His company, Integrity HPI, is dedicated to making the American experience at work better for both individuals and companies. Through keynote talks, seminars, workshops and focused projects, he partners with organizations to develope an "employer of choice" work environment.

Financial Lessons Learned from Hurricane Katrina

The financial world is in chaos. World leaders are scrambling to save economies that up to now, seemed to need little more than interest rate regulation. Government bailouts, take over of major financial institutions and decimation of retirement accounts have set our society in turmoil from the highest in government to individual citizens. We are in the midst of a kind of economic hurricane Katrina and we need to know how to best weather the storm.

As Katrina approached the gulf coast, people in New Orleans were encouraged to evacuate but many ignored the warnings and stayed behind. They later found themselves stranded on their rooftops having lost everything. If, like them, you do nothing, in this financial storm, you may find yourself stranded or worse. The warning signs are all around us. It is not time to hunker down and hope that the storm blows over. It is time to take action.

Reconsider what you have, what can be saved and what you might have to count as a loss.

In personal finance terms, it comes down to revaluating your wants and your needs. Luxuries that become a habit have a way of looking like necessities when they are not. We all should examine the ways we spend money and reconsider our habits. How much of our spending is on luxury and how much is on necessity?

If we do not tighten our belts voluntarily, they will be tightened for us. In the throws of Katrina, stranded people were hungry and parched and help did not come for a long time—too late for some.

For some of us tightening the belt a notch may mean public transportation rather than driving to work. It may mean packing a lunch rather than eating out. We might dry-clean less often. We might eat at home more, turn the lights off when we leave a room or wear a sweater rather than turning up the thermostat this winter.

Do we really need to spend four or five dollars on a cup of coffee? Sorry Starbucks, I own a travel mug and can brew a decent cup at home. If I am going to go out for a cup, it will be the basic model, not the frothed-up, price-inflated version. How about cutting your prices for your loyal customers who have spent so freely?

Do not wait for the government to save you. They are not prepared for it. Our government and FEMA were taken completely by surprise by Katrina and the process was mismanaged and mistakes made from the very beginning.

Remember the economic stimulus check you received at the beginning of the summer. It was like throwing a pizza at 30 or 40 really hungry people. The big story at the time was how very few people were actually spending it in the way the government hoped. Now we are bailing out banks to tune of billions of dollars because of their bad, even predatory lending decisions.

Looters are on the loose. As citizens of New Orleans were forced to turn their backs on their homes and businesses to save their lives, looters were right behind them picking up was they left behind.

Beware of unscrupulous offers of credit, pay-day loans, easy financing and guaranteed satisfaction. Think twice before moving your investments on the advice of someone who needs to make a living off of your decisions. Read the fine print of offers on insurance that will make your payments for you if you are unable to do so. Anyone who offers an easy solution in a time like this is selling snake oil.

Just after the storm, creditors were very patient and cooperative with credit card holders and were very understanding about late payments and lost cards. How long do you suppose creditors left accounts open for displaced Katrina victims who were no longer employed and could not pay their bills? It wasn’t long before accounts were being closed for various reasons, all of them legitimate.

Learn to live without your credit cards. Using credit now just means you will have to pay more later. Interest rates often double or even triple the cost of your purchases if you are carrying balances from month to month and making minimum payments. In a tight economy, why would you pay more for something just to have the simple convenience of using a credit card?

Most everyone has debt obligations and when it comes to prioritizing which creditor gets paid and which does not, credit cards fall to the very bottom of the list because the debt is unsecured. At the top of the list are your mortgage, legal obligations like child support and your taxes. Think of long-term consequences rather than short-term inconveniences.

There is going to be a very fowl mess to clean up. More than three years later, there are still homes in New Orleans that have not been cleaned out, gutted or torn-down and the job of cleaning up that mess gets more and more difficult as time goes by.

Financial storms can cast very long shadows. Lost opportunities, damaged credit reports and investment losses may require years of recovery and rebuilding. The thing to remember is that you can rebuild and though things may never be as they were or as you planned them, you can and will survive and even find happiness. In the midst of the storm the best we can do is to try and limit the damage.

Profiteering will be rife. In the recovery process after Katrina, gross profiteering was not only everywhere, it was obvious. Even today, building supplies are at a premium price even at the national chain stores. Contractors in New Orleans can charge two and three times their normal rates. Long waits in line and even longer waiting lists for contractors betray how willing some are to pay the price of recovery.

As we emerge from this crisis, and we will come out of this, there will be some who promise quicker and easier recovery. Call them economic ambulance chasers. They will promise investments with large and quick gains. They will offer to repair credit reports, provide quick easy access to bankruptcy and offer easy credit terms. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Remember the fundamental rules. Promises of high returns naturally carry corresponding risk. The more an investment opportunity promises a return, the more likely it is that you can also lose your shirt. There are no secrets to credit repair. You can do it all yourself and the information you need is free and readily available. And anytime there is a legal way out, like bankruptcy, debt negotiation or tax settlement, there are consequences that are unavoidable. You should find out what they are before you sign on the dotted line.

There will be help. Volunteers and charities poured into New Orleans after Katrina as if a levy of a different kind had been breached.

It is difficult to say what kinds of real help will be available after this economic storm. They are limited only by our ingenuity and our capacity for kindness. Ultimately, however, each of us is responsible for our own financial well-being. Be careful; it is a gale out there.

Joseph Onesta is a Speaker, Trainer and Consultant with Integrity HPI. His practice focuses improved work environments that develop an "employer of choice" reputation for his clients while facilitating the work-life balance of their employees. As former Director of Education and Training for Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Los Angeles, he offers seminars and workshops in Personal Finance Employee Education.

Work As Play

If you get this, you'll improve your game, be more valuable to your employer, and frankly, be a lot happier in the long run.

Human beings have an infinite capacity to find ways of entertaining themselves. I recently heard about a South African sport called Kudu Spitting. A Kudu is a kind of antelope and participants collect the cherry-sized kudu droppings and see how far they can spit them. Yes, we are talking about kudu poop and yes, they spit it with their mouths.

Play is magic. It makes time seem to pass more quickly. No matter how strenuous or challenging the play is, we are motivated, energized and rejuvenated by it. Play inspires us to improve our performance. We strive to get better and better and when we are done, we look forward to the next opportunity to play.

Wouldn’t it be nice if work could be as much fun as our favorite games? Imagine having fun at work all day long and coming home afterwards filled with energy and looking forward to going back the next day!

Play can be as physically challenging and mentally stressful as work. Yet, we thrive on play while work can be soul destroying. Why is that?

Philosopher Alan Watts identified the critical difference for us. When we feel compelled or obligated to perform a task, it feels like work. When there is no sense of obligation, whatever we are doing feels more like play. When we treat everything we do, including work, as play, a sort of miracle happens. It all becomes rather fun.

Now, among mundane and boring jobs, bagging groceries has to be in the top ten. A few years ago, I took a job at the local grocery store while recovering from two spinal surgeries. I just needed to get out of the house and do something physical. In order to inure myself to the lack of mental challenge, I created a number of little games. I mentally evaluated how healthy each order was and devised a ranking system. I also challenged myself to see how quickly and efficiently I could bag large orders using fewer bags. As I collected shopping cars from the parking lot, I worked toward increasing the number of carts I could manage and navigate without losing control of them.

According to Watts, the key to my ability to convert bagging groceries into pure play was the fact that I didn’t feel obligated to do it. I was in that job because I had specifically chosen to do that work for my own reasons. But, it is not difficult for me to apply the same standard to anything that I do. I have chosen my career. I choose my clients. When I commit myself to a particular project, I voluntarily sign the contract. I may make that choice because I want or need the money but the choice is mine all the same.

According to an on-going work-life balance survey by Integrity HPI, 24% of survey participants feel trapped in their current job. Trapped, stuck, unable to break away, in other words, they feel obligated to continue. It might be difficult for those people to convert their jobs into play but they are the ones who would benefit most from doing so. It is possible that they are in the wrong job yet I suspect that they are more likely in the wrong mind-set.

If a hunter working in the South African bush could think up Kudu spitting, you can creatively find ways to make your job fun and exciting. Give it a shot. Have a go. You’re it!

Joseph Onesta is a Speaker, Trainer and Coach. The focus of his practice, Integrity HPI is making life and work better for people and for companies. Visit his website, http://www.integrityhpi.com for more information or to invite him to speak at your event.

I need a SPAM filter for snail mail!

“We need a bigger mailbox!” proclaimed a friend as she came back to her kitchen, barely able to contain the mass of envelops and flyers clutched to her chest. She dumped the pile next to the hot biscuits and steaming coffee she had served me a few moments earlier. We chatted while she sorted her mail into three piles, one to keep, one to shred and one to recycle. “Gosh, look at this stuff. Why can’t there be a spam filter for snail mail?”

For the rest of our visit, the idea of a spam filter for snail mail lingered in the back of my mind. Think of the time and resources we waste picking through our mail looking for the important stuff like bills and statements. How often has a bill or important notice gone unheeded because it was lost in a pile of flyers, coupons and catalogs? In terms of living a balanced life, junk mail may not seem like much of a challenge but it is a needless and wasteful part of the equation that can be significantly minimized with a few simple steps.

A large percentage of junk mail consists of offers of credit based on our credit scores. Creditors buy mailing lists from the major credit reporting agencies and make blanket offers to every one who fits their profile. Since offers of credit are among the kinds of mail that should be shredded to foil dumpster diving identity thieves, why get them at all? Consumers can opt out of unsolicited offers of credit by visiting http://www.optoutprescreen.com or by calling (888) 5OPTOUT.

You can stop a lot of the advertising you receive by contacting the Direct Mail Preference Service. You can do this online at http://www.dmachoice.org. Reputable direct mail marketers are members of the Direct Mail Association and comply with the list.

Catalog Choice, http://www.catalogchoice.org, is a service that helps people unsubscribe to catalogs from merchants. Once you sign up you simply find the catalogs you receive and indicate that you no longer wish to receive them. They do the rest.

You may have to contact some mailers directly. Some of the flyers you receive don’t have a return address so look for the card that accompanies the flyers. The card has a return address. It also has numbers near your address that identify you as the recipient. Attach the card to a dated, signed letter requesting to be removed from all of their mailing lists. It may take a month or so to kick in because mailings are prepared in advance but it should work.

You may also wish to contact the charities you support and ask them not to share your information with other organizations. This will reduce the charitable requests you receive.

If you want to take the easy way out and hit as much of the direct mail community as you can in one stroke, a relatively nonprofit organization, http://www.41pounds.org promises to do the legwork for you for a basic fee of $41. They promise to eliminate up to 90% of your junk mail for five years.

Before you go out and buy a bigger mailbox to accommodate your snail mail spam, consider these few easy steps to drastically reduce your junk mail. You will save time, make fewer trips to the recycle center and save a few trees in the bargain.

Joseph Onesta is a Speaker, Training and Consultant at Integrity HPI http://www.integrityhpi.com Please visit his website to learn more about his services.

How to Wrestle with A Pessimist

Some folks have it rough. Nothing ever goes right for them. The weather is always bad. Food ordered at a restaurant is always unacceptable. Anyone with good news is warned, usually with a chuckle, about all the things that could go wrong from here on out. It would seem that the universe conspires to make these people suffer and they seem to think it is their duty to let us know how terrible things really are.

The remarkable thing is that these perpetual pessimists seem almost to revel in their own despair. Complaining gives them a way of connecting to people; as if commiseration is the only way they know how to be companionable. No matter how much they laugh and joke about how bad things are, do any of us really believe that they can be happy seeing the world as they do?

The insidious power of pessimists is the proverbial grain of truth to be found in what they say. In a general sense, the things they say are true. The weather could be better most of the time and rarely does one get a perfect meal at a restaurant but if you are seeing the glass as half empty, how can you enjoy drinking the rest?

It is one thing to acknowledge that things could be better but it is another entirely to believe that they never will. Pessimists have the potential to leave you feeling like a herd of elephants has just trampled your soul. Their complaining and whining about how bad things are and how much worse they can get will sap you of all your strength.

Most of us are more optimistic than the perpetual pessimist. We can see potential for good as well as bad. Our biggest mistake is trying to help pessimists be happier by spending time with them. Pessimism, like gravity, has a gentle but persistent force. You can only fight for so long. Spend enough time with a pessimist and eventually, you will come around to their way of thinking.

Imagine you are sitting in the lunch room at work and a coworker is tossing a coin. He begins to draw the attention of others proclaiming he has a very unusual coin. Every time he tosses it, it comes out tails. You and others begin to gather around to watch. He has now tossed the coin some 15 times and every time it has been tails. People begin commenting, even taking bets. The tosses are now near 25 and they have come out tails every time. What are the chances that the next time he tosses the coin, it will be tails?

Some people would expect it to be tails again. Others would say it can’t possibly be tails again. From the get go, there has always been a 50% chance the toss will go either way and those chances have not changed. Yet our perception has. In either case, we see the pattern as significant when it is not.

As the pessimist continues to point out how things constantly go wrong, you begin to see the pattern too. Then it becomes like looking at the classical optical illusion. Once you see the two faces, it takes a conscious effort to see the vase.

Take notice that the pessimist is almost never to blame for what goes wrong. It might be fate, bad luck, the way the world is or simply someone else. Because they rarely take responsibility for their own experiences, they are trapped. They see themselves as victims not perpetrators. There is no way out. Misdiagnose the cause and you also misdiagnose the cure.

Many of us make the mistake of trying to cheer up a pessimist. Don’t bother! The remedy for pessimism will never come from someone else. It cannot be purchased, delivered or gifted. The cure for pessimism must rise within. It takes a conscious decision to discount the pattern. That is difficult to do.

For your own sake, try to spend as little time with pessimists as possible. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. Sometimes you discover that the pessimist in the room is you! Choose to ignore the negative pattern; try to establish a positive one. Don’t proclaim that the weather is too hot. Rather be thankful for the air-conditioning. Don’t complain about the rain, point out how your garden needs the water or anticipate the lovely fresh scent in the air after a good rain.

If the cure for pessimism sounds a little too much like Pollyanna playing the glad game, you are right. The simple fact is…it works.

Coping with a Financial Crunch

The economy is in a crunch. Rising fuel costs and natural disasters are causing price increases in critical consumer goods, like food, which rely on shipping. Credit card companies are reducing credit limits, withholding new offers of credit and raising interest rates.

The fall in the mortgage and real estate markets have eroded a much of the equity held by property owners leaving many to face foreclosure and even bankruptcy because they’ve used equity to pay off other debts and now that equity is gone.
Many Americans find themselves caught unawares by financial crisis. Yet, even during times of economic downturn, most financial crises are not only predictable but preventable.

The biggest reason we fail to see a financial crisis coming is mostly because we are too afraid to look in the first place. Experts have been predicting all of the current financial difficulties for years, even while we were in the housing market boom. We didn’t want to hear it. We would just rather not think about it until we are forced to do so. It’s like walking across a familiar street with out paying attention to traffic. You might get away with it for a while but sooner or later…
While working as Director of Education at Consumer Credit Counseling Service in Los Angeles, I dealt with literally thousands of people who steadfastly refused to look at their financial condition until they were forced to do so. Now the economy is forcing all of us to take a long hard look.

It is not too late! The key to preventing or minimizing real damage during financial stress is to understand your situation and take prompt action to control it.

Know your income. Take a good look at your net income. How much cold hard cash do you have coming every month? Consider all reliable sources. This is what you have to work with.

Consider your resources. You should have a financial cushion, three to six months living expensive in an account that is easily converted to cash. Savings accounts, mature savings bonds, money market accounts, certificates of deposit that are nearing maturity are all good choices. The numbers in your 401K plan may look enticing but really these should be a last resort. You’ll pay high penalties and taxes for early withdrawal and you may irreparably jeopardize your retirement.

Look at the way you use credit. Are you using credit cards to artificially supplement your income? Would you have enough money every month if you didn’t have your credit cards? Credit should be used less frequently during times of financial stress.

Know your expenses. Expenses are traditionally divided into three groups. Fixed expenses stay the same each month. Variable expenses change from month to month. Periodic expenses occur reliably but less frequently than every month.

Rethink your wants and your needs. So much of what we consider essential to our comfort and lifestyle is really fluff. Cutting back expenses in small ways can have a dramatic impact on your bottom line.

Prioritize your obligations. At the top of the list, place legal obligations like child-support, back taxes and court-mandated payments. Next are secured debt payments like mortgage or car payments. And at the bottom of the list, is your unsecured debt mostly in the form of credit cards.

Know your alternatives. The media is now rife with advertisements for debt solution companies offering debt settlement, debt consolidation, debt management, tax negotiation and even bankruptcy. Each company, even if it is “non-profit,” will probably tout its particular service and solution as the best for your circumstances and will effectively sell you on it if you call. Most consumers are unaware of the differences between these solutions, much less the corresponding expense and long-term consequences they carry.

The sooner you act, the less likely you are to suffer long term damage from an economic downturn. Arm yourself with knowledge and preparation and you’ll come out on top.

Forget About the Gym!

To look at me, you would never guess that I have been a member of a health club since 1989. That is because, with the exception of brief spurts of intense motivation, I almost never go. It is not so much that I dislike the activity but rather, getting there, changing my clothes, working out, showering, changing my clothes again and getting back into my routine take up way too much time out of my day. I simply cannot fit going to the gym into my schedule.

I am not alone. The best estimates that I can find on-line from a number of sources indicate that upwards of 70% of health club members never or rarely use their membership.

Most of us need to work. We would like to spend time with our spouses, family and friends. We may study. We may have a spiritual or community life. And then there is exercise. In the face of that sort of to-do list, what do we cut out?

Despite our better intentions, may of us cut out the exercise. We know that lack of sufficient exercise results in obesity, reduced cardio-vascular health, increased stress and even depression. We buy gym memberships we don’t use. Many of us own home exercise equipment that gathers dust. We swallow expensive supplements and subscribe to controlled food-delivery services. In the end, we make ourselves sick with guilt when none of it works and we are too ashamed of ourselves to take advantage of all those money-back guarantees.

In my quest for a balanced life, I have come to terms with the fact that exercising for sake of it is not a priority to me. I have done many of the subtle things commonly suggested to increase my activity. I park several extra blocks from my office. I choose parking spaces far from the store entrance. I take the stairs rather then the elevator. I sometimes spend my break time walking around the block. It is not enough!

Enter the humble toofer. A toofer is an activity that gives us double return on our investment of time and energy—the result of “two for” the investment of one. Toofers allow me to combine items on my to-do list and help me find some of that sought-for balance in life.

Take, for example, the task of getting the car washed. If you drive to the car wash, reaching for your wallet is about all the exercise you are going to get. But, if you wash the car by hand, you get a clean car as well as some exercise. That is a simple toofer. Add into the equation, all the money you save and you have double toofer. Wash the car by hand with the kids and the return goes through the roof! You get a clean car. You get exercise. You have some fun. You spend time with the kids. And you save a little money.

Toofers that help increase exercise are everywhere. All we need is a little imagination and some planning. Rather than going to the movies, consider taking a walking tour of a local neighborhood or a visit to the museum, art exhibit or zoo. You’ll get some exercise and learn something as well.

Around the house, you might plant a vegetable garden, do some serious spring-cleaning, mow the lawn or paint a room. Volunteer for community clean-up day or build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Do any of these activities with family or friends and you exponentially increase the benefits.

I truly admire the folks at the gym with their chiseled athletic bodies. I wish I could go to the beach and not feel that I had somehow failed as a physical specimen. But I also know, beyond any doubt, that those people did not get those bodies from three twenty-minute workouts a week—no matter what the commercials say!

It takes real work and a lot of time to get a body like the ones we see in those commercials. I just do not have that kind of time. I would have to sacrifice another important facet of my life in order to spend that sort of time at the gym. So, I have forgotten all about the gym and the guilt for not going. As far as home exercise equipment goes, free weights make interesting stepping stones in the garden.

I’ll stick with the toofer. A little exercise is better than none. While I may not be an Adonis, my life is in better balance, I get exercise, have fun and get a few chores done in the bargain.

Tip: What Collection Agents Don't Want You To Know...

As our economy continues to tighten many people will find it more difficult to manage their debt and eventually some will be have to deal with collection agents. Credit card debt is usually unsecured, that is, there is no collateral held against the debt. If consumers don’t pay, creditors can place negative remarks on their credit reports but there is nothing to repossess. They cannot touch assets without taking legal action. Most often, creditors merely call it a loss and sell off old unpaid debt to a collection agency.

The creditor may be done with the account but for the consumer, the ordeal is just starting. If you find yourself in that position, knowing some simple truths about the working with collectors can make this time less stressful and can help prevent you from making costly mistakes.

Open your mail. You will officially know what is going on with your account by mail. As companies give up on their ability to collect from you, they will transfer, actually sell, your account to another agency—often for pennies on the dollar. They must officially let you know when your account has been transferred. This is done through the mail. You need to know whom to contact about your account. Additionally, every time your account is transferred it is actually worth less to the collection agency which translates into more negotiating power for you.

Answer the phone. Ignoring the phone only makes them call more often. When you speak to an agent, don’t argue, don’t whine about your situation, and don’t plead your case. It won’t do any good. Collection agents are on commission. They are interested only in money. They hear the same reasons and/or excuses all day, every day. They aren’t interested in your special circumstances and can do next to nothing to help you make it better.

They will call you on your cell phone, call you at home or call you at work if they have the number. If you don’t want to deal with telephone calls at all, confirm the address of the agency. Send them a letter stating that they may only contact you by mail. Get a return receipt for the letter you send. You may need to do this every time your account is sold to another agency.

On the phone, be nice but firm. Working in collections is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Collectors spend their whole day talking to fearful, angry, bitter, stressed and evasive people. Being pleasant and polite to them will make the conversation easier for both of you. Calmly assure the collection agent that your intention is to pay your debts in full when you have the money to do so. When they pressure you to make arrangements to pay, simply reaffirm what you’ve already said and apologize for not being able to do more at the present time. Never mention bankruptcy. To a collection agent, bankruptcy means you have no intention of paying your debts.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Many of people will make promises to collection agents just to end the unpleasant call. Broken promises only result in more aggressive, less cooperative behavior from collectors. This is why it is better to avoid setting up payment schedules. The one thing you should always say to a debt collector is that you intend to pay your debts in full when it is possible to do so. Refrain from elaborating.

Don’t believe what you hear. Collectors know more about the rules than you do and they aren’t going to educate you on your rights. They are going to say whatever it takes to get you to pay. They are trained to phrase what they say to you to be convincing, to catch you in lies and back you into a corner. They choose their words carefully and want to elicit an emotional reaction from you. What you hear may not be what the agent actually said and your response could make things worse.

Collection agents will threaten damage to your credit report. Point of fact, if your account is in collections, your credit report is already damaged pretty badly. Your first goal is to fix your finances so that you can begin to rebuild your credit. Temporary solutions just prolong the problem.

Nearly every letter you receive from a collection agency will indicate that you need to respond immediately to prevent possible legal action. If a collection agent mentions legal action, restate your intention to pay your debt in full and, if necessary, you are prepared to go to court and explain your intention and your situation to a judge. In the event that legal action is taken, show up with your documentation and, if you can afford one, a lawyer. Failing to appear will result in an automatic judgment against you that includes thousands of additional dollars to cover legal expenses.

Don’t send post-dated checks. It is illegal for you to write checks when you do not have the money in the account to cover them. Writing post-dated checks is not only illegal; it can result in all sorts of problems. You will almost certainly bounce checks and jeopardize your checking account as well as your credit report. You will face overdraft fees from your bank and returned check fees from the collection agency.

Keep records. You should keep a separate file for each account. Keep copies of all the letters you send and receive. Take notes every time they call. Write down the name of the person, the date, time and duration of the call and what was said. If you can, record the call itself. You have to advise them that you are doing so before you press the record button and then confirm that you are recording the call just after you start recording asking for their spoken permission to record the call.

If you’ve got money, you can negotiate. Keep in mind every time your account is transferred or sold to another agency, they have paid far less for that account than its face value. If they are going to sell your debt to someone else, why wouldn’t they sell it off to you? You can negotiate with a collection agency for a lower amount. They won’t like it. They will resist. They will say that what you want is not possible. But they do it all the time. Do not send any money until you have a written agreement that the amount you send will be recognized as payment in full, that no balance will be transferred or sold to another agency and that the report to the credit reporting agency will state that the account has been paid in full.

Educate yourself. The Federal Trade Commission produces a number of publications that explain consumer rights. The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act is available in PDF format on the commission’s website. www.ftc.gov

Get Help. Speak with a certified financial counselor. A reputable financial counselor will be able to explain a wide range of options and their unique conditions and consequences for resolving your debt situation. I am one of them and though I charge a fair bit of money, I provide a very valuable service. The point is, that help is out there and you can get it.