The Office Holiday Party, An Event to Remember or One You'd Rather Forget

The bosses say they want you to have fun but stay on the safe side. You are still at work. Remembering some simple etiquette guidelines will help make this year's office party an event to remember and not one you would rather forget.

Don't get drunk! The office party may be free flowing with holiday "spirits" but the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior is far less blurry if you keep your wits about you. A drink or two probably won't hurt, you know your limit, but the office party is not a night out with good friends. Office relationships have been permanently damaged and people have even lost their jobs for things they have said or done at the office party.

Dress appropriately; you are still at work. It is nice to get dressed up but save the really sexy attire for truly social events. You do not want to be the object of unwelcome attention during the party and you don't want to be the subject of all the gossip after.

If you are a manager, you have to go. It is a mistake to think you can opt out of this event. If you have supervisory responsibilities, you are a host to the people you supervise. If you do not attend the party, you will send a message that communicates your lack of commitment your team and the company. While at the party, make sure you greet each of your reports and thank them for the job they have done and try an be specific about a particular incident in which they performed exceptionally well.

Gifts are not appropriate. No one wants to be saddled with having to carry or watch over a gift while they are supposed to be having a good time. Management may announce awards or special recognitions but the gifts, if they are anything more cumbersome than a gift card, should be handled at the office. If you want to give your supervisor a gift for the holidays, you should do so at the office, unobtrusively and in such a way that the receiver does not feel obligated to reciprocate.

Avoid cliquish behavior. It is natural to want to be with the people you feel most comfortable and you should sit with your teammates for the meal if one is served. This will help your team to function more cohesively and allows you to see one another in a different context. However, spending the entire event with them deprives you of a very unique opportunity. Others who may want to speak with you might find it difficult to approach you because they are not part of your group. You want to make yourself as approachable as possible. Politely excuse yourself from the group, mention that you would like to wish the CEO a happy holiday and go off and mingle.

Mingle. Mingle. Mingle. The office party is an opportunity to meet people in the organization with whom you do not normally get to interact. Advancement in the business world is a function of others thinking as highly of you as a person as they might of your skills. Take the opportunity to meet others and let them meet you. If you have to inject yourself into a group that appears cliquish, do so under the pretext of wishing them all happy holidays. Introduce yourself, tell them where you work in the organization and shake hands with everyone in the group. Try and remember their names and greet them with full eye contact and a smile in the hallways the next time you see them at the office. You will build allies throughout the organization who can make your job easier today and help get you promoted tomorrow.

Don't forget the CEO. Extend your mingling to those high level managers and senior managers with whom you may not normally interact. You do not have to carry on long conversations. Just introduce yourself. Offer a good firm, not crushing, handshake. Remind them where you work in the organization and if you have received a company bonus or gift, thank them for it. Wish them a good holiday and be on your way. Acknowledge them at the office as you would anyone else. In order for you to become one of them, they have to feel comfortable with you in that position.

The two most critical elements in getting better assignments and more challenging or interesting projects are having a higher level "sponsor"--that is someone who remembers you and thinks of you as they are discussing assignments and being a respected and well-liked person. The company party is a great time to make a positive impression.

If you are invited to be someone's guest at his or her office party, dress well, be friendly and avoid the booze. You are not there to have a good time. Your goal is to look good, be polite and stand quietly next to your date and let him or her make a good impression.

Keep these simple guidelines in mind and when after-party gossip is bantered around the break room, they won't be talking about you. The next buzz just may be about your promotion.

Joseph Onesta, M.A. is a speaker, trainer and consultant working in the field of Human Performance Improvement. His company, Integrity HPI helps companies develop an "employer of choice" work culture and environment, by improving performance through focused strategies, enriched work/life balance and enhanced communication. You are invited to visit http://www.integrityhpi.com to learn more about Integrity HPI's services and subscribe to their free e-newsletter, Balanced Life Tips.

How to Wrestle with A Pessimist

Some folks have it rough. Nothing ever goes right for them. The weather is always bad. Food ordered at a restaurant is always unacceptable. Anyone with good news is warned, usually with a chuckle, about all the things that could go wrong from here on out. It would seem that the universe conspires to make these people suffer and they seem to think it is their duty to let us know how terrible things really are.

The remarkable thing is that these perpetual pessimists seem almost to revel in their own despair. Complaining gives them a way of connecting to people; as if commiseration is the only way they know how to be companionable. No matter how much they laugh and joke about how bad things are, do any of us really believe that they can be happy seeing the world as they do?

The insidious power of pessimists is the proverbial grain of truth to be found in what they say. In a general sense, the things they say are true. The weather could be better most of the time and rarely does one get a perfect meal at a restaurant but if you are seeing the glass as half empty, how can you enjoy drinking the rest?

It is one thing to acknowledge that things could be better but it is another entirely to believe that they never will. Pessimists have the potential to leave you feeling like a herd of elephants has just trampled your soul. Their complaining and whining about how bad things are and how much worse they can get will sap you of all your strength.

Most of us are more optimistic than the perpetual pessimist. We can see potential for good as well as bad. Our biggest mistake is trying to help pessimists be happier by spending time with them. Pessimism, like gravity, has a gentle but persistent force. You can only fight for so long. Spend enough time with a pessimist and eventually, you will come around to their way of thinking.

Imagine you are sitting in the lunch room at work and a coworker is tossing a coin. He begins to draw the attention of others proclaiming he has a very unusual coin. Every time he tosses it, it comes out tails. You and others begin to gather around to watch. He has now tossed the coin some 15 times and every time it has been tails. People begin commenting, even taking bets. The tosses are now near 25 and they have come out tails every time. What are the chances that the next time he tosses the coin, it will be tails?

Some people would expect it to be tails again. Others would say it can’t possibly be tails again. From the get go, there has always been a 50% chance the toss will go either way and those chances have not changed. Yet our perception has. In either case, we see the pattern as significant when it is not.

As the pessimist continues to point out how things constantly go wrong, you begin to see the pattern too. Then it becomes like looking at the classical optical illusion. Once you see the two faces, it takes a conscious effort to see the vase.

Take notice that the pessimist is almost never to blame for what goes wrong. It might be fate, bad luck, the way the world is or simply someone else. Because they rarely take responsibility for their own experiences, they are trapped. They see themselves as victims not perpetrators. There is no way out. Misdiagnose the cause and you also misdiagnose the cure.

Many of us make the mistake of trying to cheer up a pessimist. Don’t bother! The remedy for pessimism will never come from someone else. It cannot be purchased, delivered or gifted. The cure for pessimism must rise within. It takes a conscious decision to discount the pattern. That is difficult to do.

For your own sake, try to spend as little time with pessimists as possible. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. Sometimes you discover that the pessimist in the room is you! Choose to ignore the negative pattern; try to establish a positive one. Don’t proclaim that the weather is too hot. Rather be thankful for the air-conditioning. Don’t complain about the rain, point out how your garden needs the water or anticipate the lovely fresh scent in the air after a good rain.

If the cure for pessimism sounds a little too much like Pollyanna playing the glad game, you are right. The simple fact is…it works.